I think I love this boy.

Every once in a while a rare gem of a person on the little site of YouTube leaves me brilliant/witty comments on my channel page. When I see a comment of particularly high comic caliber, a verbal sparring occurs - a death match of wits. This is, by far, my favorite of every duel I've been engaged in.

crabstickz (15 hours ago)
I wish to forward to you my official marriage proposal. The wedding will be a middle-earth themed event, BYOB, (Bring your own Balrog). And the reception will be a based on the popular television show Fraiser. I hope this invitation finds you well....

Nanalew (15 hours ago)
I accept, on the condition that our ceremony be held entirely in Elven, in the forest. We can swing through the trees on strong vines, representing our bonds of love, before we are entwined as one. [I hope your biceps are strong, my love, so you do not fall to your death, to the ceremonial orcs below--representing the hardships we must overcome.] Fraiser alumni may attend.

crabstickz (15 hours ago)
My biceps glisten and ripple like the elven lakes of Borahimph and like that lake, i remain moist and ever flowing as long as you are my elven queen. I thank you in advance for the vast armies of children you will bestow me.

Nanalew (1 second ago)
You mistake your role in our wedlock, Mr. Crabstickz. Though we are human, the Elven clans of Noldor and Teleri have been in my family's debt for centuries, and have, in turn, bestowed upon us a similar class of Elven royalty. [Ergo, I will not be birthing your half-breed armies from my sovereign, annointed loins.] I apologize for the misunderstanding, but I must say that you will look quite fetching on my arm. I hope this message finds you well.

Dusk

You were the one who brought me life
When night switched round to dawn
When I tossed and turned in bed till dusk
And wandered--eyes withdrawn

You were the one with light where I
Had only caves so bleak
You'd come to call in darkness and
You'd show me how to speak

Like hearts weren't brittle, porous things
That leak and dry and crack
When I couldn't tumble out my bed
You'd prop me on your back

And now, my friend, I'm done at last
My heart is whole--it breathes
But you've become a careless thing
Somewhere lost inside the bleak

You're pervious, you're thirsty
My friend, you're dry to dust
But you won't hop onto my back
And I will not watch you rust

So here and now we must part ways
Before the light creeps through
And shows every holely ugliness
Now manifest in you.

Two poems for someone in particular.

'Moonbask'

I felt the moon's cold light tonight
And I wondered where it's shining
In navy skies, freckled in light
Will it wake you nightly, kindly?

Will you bask in milky aura there?
Will you even leave your bed?
Will you think of me beneath the moon?
Or stay coiled in your head.

I wonder will your feet find grass?
The way my hands found you
I wonder where you are tonight,
Dear, I'm beneath the moon.

--

'Cleanse'

You take sad eyes and close them
Because you never cry.
My friend, a lid is but a mask
Behind it, dance or hide.

And tears do fall inside a soul
If skin covers an eye
Now dying creature, open small
For light blast, one last time.

And then you'll find that light and I
Are all that lie in wait
You're lost and burned, you broken thing
Now open eyes and stay.

Until the trembling stops again
'Til torrent tears do fade
You, friend--ever less broken
Light's cleansing has its way.

--

Thanks so much for your comments on my last poem, guys. I appreciate it. It's really an incentive to post. I've been messing around in my poetry files all day, and I felt like writing after seeing what a cold, clear, surreal night it is outside. The sky rarely gets this gorgeously dark in the city. Like velvet. Everything glows around the edges. It's fantastic. I felt inspired, so I did these. I hope you like them.

Edge

I was having some serious issues with this one because I wrote it about 5 days ago and didn't get to physically write it down. Obviously I forgot most of what made it actually function and I couldn't get the stupid thing to work, so I sent it to Tom Milsom and he edited it for me. Chopped it to syllable correctness. I then re-edited and changed a few things for personal preference.

I always feel like it's not wholly my work when someone edits something of mine. In short though: Tom is amazing. He saved this piece.


Edge

I said aloud, what it would take to fix you.
You said you're barely broken, tautly tangled.
And I replied, "you're infinitely shattered,
Sugared shards that stick out at every angle."

And when you said, "come taste something sweet, dear."
The girls, they ran, they flocked, they sliced their tongues,
But you smiled, "I'm not a broken creature--
See--they were far too pretty, fragile, young."

And in the end you said, "come take my hand, dear"
But blinking, there, I kindly found refuse.
"You may not think that you're a broken creature,
But I know I'd shred on the edge of you."

24 Hours Later....

This is what happens when you record yourself playing with meekakitty, raywilliamjohnson, livelavalive, and catrific in the NY Mac Store.

I have the best friends in the entire YouTube universe. Just sayin'.

Hey, YOU!

Pictured above: '3 love drops' post - "For the Love of Stockholm" [Prose]. Pictured underneath: '20 love drops' post where I tell you all to comment on prose. WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?!

I'm sorry I'm psycho and making no sense.

You know how we talked about how some of you guys don't comment cause you think you have nothing to say or it's been said? Well, I just realized I didn't give you my contrived thinking on the matter.

What Shawna Thinks When Ye Olde Blogreaders Don't Comment on Her Prose & Poetry:

- They hate what I wrote.

- They hate what I wrote!!!

- OH NO THEY REALLY HATE IT AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

- No one's going to ever come back here again!!!

So the moral of the story is ironically the same moral as last time. The one you all didn't learn. The one that sent Shawna into a shame spiral. I want your opinions. Even if you hate it. I just want your opinions. Gah, people! I don't know why, but I need to know what you think.

Anyways, moving on. 789 is tomorrow till thursday for me. I'm basically only there for the one day in the middle as I'm driving with people on Wednesday and Thursday. I hope it's fun. It shall be. I wish Chris, Levi, Mitto, and Rohan were going to be there. :[

I finally get to meet Meghan and Tessa and MOAR! Frat boy hoo-rah!

For the Love of Stockholm

This is sort of in the middle of a story so I'll fill you in. The characters in this scene are Haley and Ryan.

Basically, Ryan and his similarly shady comrades had "car trouble" [more like giant bus trouble] up in the boondock mountains where the only sign of civilization was a high end prep school which Haley Coelho attended. Naturally the bad guys took the security out far too easily. And because Haley is my protagonist, she can't exactly go down without causing a bit of trouble here and there. She ends up getting herself nearly ... well, never mind. I can't ruin everything for you. Anyways, Ryan decides to kidnap Haley instead of shooting her in the head [because that's what you do with people when they know too much about how your organization works]. Haley and Ryan have just gotten off a several day long, state-wide bus ride. I can't explain their relationship, except that every time you think they're potentially getting close something weird or scary happens. It's all rather psychological and fun. At this point, they've stopped and are staying at a remote hotel.

Aaaanyways. This story is something I play with every now and again. It's been going on for a while now. I don't know about it to be honest.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ryan pulled the door of room twenty-three shut behind them, before turning face first into Haley's open hand. The slap reverberated the room.

"I talk when you say talk. I sit when you say sit. But you don't ever get to touch me like that! Ever!" Haley rasped through her teeth, her chest heaving.

It happened in a whirlwind.

Ryan's muscular arms enclosed Haley's small frame and planted her hard in the wooden desk chair before she could even scream.

Then he began to undress.

"Have you ever been with a man, Haley?" he asked casually as she shook, erect in the chair, clenching her eyes shut.

"N...no," she managed through chattering teeth. This was it, she thought. This was the moment she had been dreading for hours. Days. An eternity. It had finally come. And it was going to be over soon.

"Look at me, Haley," he said.

Her eyes were still shut. Slowly, she pried them open with internal crowbars. And there he was, kneeling inches before her, naked from the waste up. His face was as close as it had ever been. She could count his eyelashes. Not that she wanted to.

"You were right," he said.

"I'd still slap you again," she said.

Ryan cocked his head slightly, before yanking Haley's hands from her chest in a viper-like movement. Her entire body jerked forward. She was only inches from him now.

"Would you still slap me again now?" he asked, eyes unwavering, hands binding her to him.

"Yes."

Then he had released her. The bathroom door had clicked on the other side of the room. Haley heard the sound of running water; the shower had started. She looked down to see herself handcuffed to the chair. She could have sworn she heard a laugh in distance.

ThankYouThankYouThankYouLOVE!

So I officially have 100 followers on this blog. Which is insane. You people actually, for some fragmented, disillusioned reason, care what I have to say. And I just wanted to say I APPRECIATE YOOOU! I love your comments, occasional emails [from the crafty readers], and your overall presence in general. It makes me feel less confined.

It's not difficult to be honest here at all. Because I know no one's going to tear me down. I was thinking yesterday that maybe I should advertise my blog more, like in the sidebar of new videos. But I've decided not to. Because I like keeping things exclusive. I like recognizing your names, and stalking you all occasionally from the followers link. I like knowing that the people whose pictures appear in that list actually *really want* to be here, because they took the initiative.

I've been talking to one of my readers, Maggie, recently. And she said she doesn't comment because she feels intimidated or feels like the comment has to be amazing. I've actually talked to several people who were "too scared to comment" and let me tell you, from my perspective, that's so strange. I work at Blockbuster people. I only have about 8,000 subscribers on YouTube. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for any of you to feel intimidated. So consider this an open invitation to leave me the "blandest" comments you can come up with, because I'm going to love them anyways. I adore my semi-closet writing. Almost nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing what you all have to say about it. Feedback is an author's best friend. And when I see your comments I feel like an author.

Or like Hilary Duff at the end of Cinderella Story. One of the two.

Updates:

* I promise to update this blog more than I have been. As soon as I get back from New York.
* I'm going for 789. I'm pretty excited actually.
* I have a hair appointment tomorrow!!! Which means you can all expect tearful rants or joyous exclamations of my general love for life.
* I'm not yet done my school work. And I won't be done until July 26th [hopefully].
* I have one more huge thing to ask/tell you guys, but it needs its own post so you CAN NAY IGNORE IT.
* I booked my ticket to California. I have two transfers. One in Vegas, one in L.A. Too bad I can't go outside the airport to play. Now I know this will happen:

Annoying Person: "Have you ever been to Las Vegas?"
Meeeeeeeeeeeee: "Only the airport."
Annoying Person: "I thought only business people did that." /sneer
Meeeeeeeeeeeee: "I sell spleens and kidneys on the black market. I'm thinking of branching into lungs."
Annoying Person: ...
Meeeeeeeeeeeee: "Do you smoke?"
Annoying Person: "Yeah, since I was twelve."
Meeeeeeeeeeeee: "That's too bad."
Annoying Person: *runs away*

Anyways, I have to get to schoolworking. Don't be a stranger now.

Kick

'To My Favorite Luminous Darkness'

Hello, Moon
It's nearly sweet morn again
And I thought I should write to you.
And the clock, it reads, lonely four fifty-two,
As the birds sing their dulcet tunes.

And I lie here in my white bed of clouds
As the sky sails--black to rich blue.
And the stars--twinkling, surrounding,
You are long overdue
Tossing--turning, I am long overdue

So set now--surrender, my luminous friend
So I can sleep in the new morning dew
Let's let go, let's pass out, let us fall from the sky
Up with suns, down with stars
Goodnight, Moon.

---

'5:15 -- Blue Sunrise'

And you know that you're my favorite time of morning
Because I know that no one else sees you alive
And the sky sees you the color of the ocean
In tropic hues--momentous paradise.

And the angels give the robins their first chirpings
So they can wake the trees with holy tunes
And the trees, they stretch their stalks out to the sunrise
And the earthworms burrow, praying for the moon.

And here I lie, solely, sleepless, waiting
Because my eyes are all wrapped up in you
You know that you're my favorite time of morning
And there's all the time I need to sleep till noon.

12:42 and another for you.

You've turned to smoke--alone--
In my mind
An idea marred by shrieking ideals.
Not a body in the passenger's seat,
Or a corpse in the backyard--
Rotting till the neighbors dare to smell you.
And I wonder if you know I barely sleep.

And they ask with side-turned eyes
"What, do you, Child, know of love?"
And I reply,
"Why,
Absolutely nothing!
And you know...
Despite the fumes and eyes,
The putrid corpses, sleepless nights;
Languishing 'fore these mirrors,
Here--I find

I can not describe it."