This is sort of in the middle of a story so I'll fill you in. The characters in this scene are Haley and Ryan.
Basically, Ryan and his similarly shady comrades had "car trouble" [more like giant bus trouble] up in the boondock mountains where the only sign of civilization was a high end prep school which Haley Coelho attended. Naturally the bad guys took the security out far too easily. And because Haley is my protagonist, she can't exactly go down without causing a bit of trouble here and there. She ends up getting herself nearly ... well, never mind. I can't ruin everything for you. Anyways, Ryan decides to kidnap Haley instead of shooting her in the head [because that's what you do with people when they know too much about how your organization works]. Haley and Ryan have just gotten off a several day long, state-wide bus ride. I can't explain their relationship, except that every time you think they're potentially getting close something weird or scary happens. It's all rather psychological and fun. At this point, they've stopped and are staying at a remote hotel.
Aaaanyways. This story is something I play with every now and again. It's been going on for a while now. I don't know about it to be honest.
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Ryan pulled the door of room twenty-three shut behind them, before turning face first into Haley's open hand. The slap reverberated the room.
"I talk when you say talk. I sit when you say sit. But you don't ever get to touch me like that! Ever!" Haley rasped through her teeth, her chest heaving.
It happened in a whirlwind.
Ryan's muscular arms enclosed Haley's small frame and planted her hard in the wooden desk chair before she could even scream.
Then he began to undress.
"Have you ever been with a man, Haley?" he asked casually as she shook, erect in the chair, clenching her eyes shut.
"N...no," she managed through chattering teeth. This was it, she thought. This was the moment she had been dreading for hours. Days. An eternity. It had finally come. And it was going to be over soon.
"Look at me, Haley," he said.
Her eyes were still shut. Slowly, she pried them open with internal crowbars. And there he was, kneeling inches before her, naked from the waste up. His face was as close as it had ever been. She could count his eyelashes. Not that she wanted to.
"You were right," he said.
"I'd still slap you again," she said.
Ryan cocked his head slightly, before yanking Haley's hands from her chest in a viper-like movement. Her entire body jerked forward. She was only inches from him now.
"Would you still slap me again now?" he asked, eyes unwavering, hands binding her to him.
"Yes."
Then he had released her. The bathroom door had clicked on the other side of the room. Haley heard the sound of running water; the shower had started. She looked down to see herself handcuffed to the chair. She could have sworn she heard a laugh in distance.
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8 love drops:
I like their relationship. It's weird. It's like the kidnapper-kidnappee relationship blinds them from the possible 'something more' part, but yet as a reader you can appreciate both parts.
Thanks for your comments about my internship! and, of course I would publish your book, what's funny is that so many of the people who write queries have no idea how to market themselves, and it's such a pain, but someone awesome like you, who clearly knows how to do something like that, already has a fanbase built in. You'd be golden, even if your writing sucked, which, as we both know, it doesn't. ;)
and this piece rocks, as always.
I agree with Sebastian. The relationship between a kidnapper and the kidnapped seems to be so stereotyped with fear and control being most prominent, but this is a totally different side. I really like the idea. I hope you post more, sometime! It seems so suspenseful.
I just read your post about comments, so I wanted to say hi. I've been reading your blog for awhile, I just don't leave comments because I never feel like I have anything amazingly interesting to say.
Anyway, I like your writing style, this post especially. Even though you don't know the whole story, it draws you in, you find yourself being emerged in the moment and wondering about the direction the characters will take.
One last thing, I know how you feel (partially, as I only suffered a few migraines) about the headaches. Mine kind of hit a peak last year and it was beyond horrible.
Oh, on a semi-random note, I live in Canada, too!
I also like the relationship between the two... it's different and interesting to read about, you should post more at some point... I would definitely love to read it!
I just read you most recent post, and I just wanted to let you know that I really like prose and poetry but I rarely--if ever--comment because I don't feel like I have anything meaningful to say. I love your writing style, and I thought this most recent bit of prose was really interesting. You really captured the emotion, tension, and suspense in this scene and I thought it was particulalry interesting how you explored the relationship between the kidnapper and kidnapped from an uncommon angle. Great job, as always! :)
I liked this. But I usually like everything you write, so I'm not surprised.
I now, really, really want to know what happens. I expect to find this piece in Barnes and Nobles one day!
Yes, feel the pressure!
No, I seriously do want to read more of this. Will you post more? Please?!
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